I Will Never Say Goodbye
by theeShadyLady
Summary: We know what happens years after the Capital is defeated, but what about right after the defeat? Is it really a "happily ever after"? This is a series of letters between Gale and Katniss and a story of the new Gale and Katniss. Not sure what else to put.. Read it, if you want to know anything else. Constructive Criticism helps. : Rated T: for small amounts of violence and language.
1. Remember I

**A/N-****_ Hey! This is theeShadyLady! Well, this is supposed to be a letter from Gale to Katniss. I'm don't know if it shows, but I am "Team Gale" and I'm not a fan of the end of Gale, with no real goodbye to him in book three. So, I wrote this for a little more closure on his behalf. _****This is only my first FanFic, so pleeeaase R/R!****_ I'm gonna do more chapters, so that it's like they are exchanging letters. ((DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Hunger Games.))_**

**Ch. 1: **_"Remember I-_"

Dear Catnip,

It's Gale and I know it hasn't been that long, but I can't wait any longer. To hide my hurt, I've been pretending to be madder than I am… Yes, I am pissed about you and him, but it's just because seeing you two together hurts me, more than I can bear. I know you're still mad and I understand that you don't want to talk to me, and I guess I must deserve it. But, there are still some things you need to know…

The first thing is, I didn't necessarily leave because I wanted to, I mainly left because for now it's what's best for you…

The look on your face the last time you saw me, haunts me every time I think of you. It literally kills me to know that just seeing me, causes you pain… I can't pretend that I didn't help with the bombs, because I did. But, Katniss, _I promise you,_ I didn't know that's how they were going to use them. And, I know every time that you see me, you also see her.

And, I just can't put you through that, I can't stand hurting you.

Also, you need to know something else… Do you remember… the day you left for the first Games? I started to tell you to remember something, but the peacekeepers pulled me away before I could finish talking…

"Remember I love you."

That's what I was trying to tell you before you left. I guess it's a lot like when we used to go hunting... You get just the one chance -the one perfect shot- and if you hesitate, you miss. Well, I waited too long, Katniss, and I missed. If we could go back to that day, and I had been able to tell you, if I had tried just a couple seconds earlier… Maybe, just maybe, things would be different right now… But, we will never know, because we can't go back.

Because if I could, you can believe me, I would, no matter what the consequences would be.

They say everything happens for a reason, but I still can't figure out why this had to happen to us. I miss you, and I want so badly to go back to being us. I wish we could go back to the days, when it was just me and you, hunting in the woods. Back to when we needed each other, even though I still need you, I want to go back to when you still needed me.

One day I hope you will forgive me, but if you don't, well, I guess that's how it has to be. But, every day I will be hoping, you'll change your mind.

I will never stop hoping.

I guess that's all, this is the end of my letter. But, I am not going to say goodbye, because goodbyes are too permanent... If I don't say goodbye, I might be able to pretend that it's not over, maybe I can pretend that we are still friends or that I know one day you'll forgive me…

So, I will never say goodbye to you.

And Catnip, I will always love you,

-Gale

**~theeShadyLady~**


	2. Fire

**_A/N- Well, Heylo! This is theeShadyLady again! This is a reply to Gale's letter from Katniss. Please R/R. _****Oh yeah, also, this letter is supposed to be like she sent it about a month after Gale sent his letter to her.****_ So, yeah, on with the story!_**

**_((DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Hunger Games, I only wish I did.))_**

**Ch. 2: **_"Fire_"

Dear Gale,

I still don't get why you're mad at me, I thought we were friends.

I am not even sure that I want to answer your letter, but I am going to anyway.

I guess I know that you would never do that to me, it's just I miss Prim so much… and what they did at the capital -trapping everyone- it was so much like some of your plans. It seemed like you must have known, but I realize now that you could never purposely hurt me like that. Still, I don't get why it was so similar to plans you would make when we used to hunt together.

And, when I left for the Games the first time, I thought you were just going to give me advice. I never could have imagined that you would ever love me. But then again, I guess I am not very good when it comes to that sort of thing.

I don't want to be mean to you, because it hurts me too.

Maybe if you had been able to tell me, before I left, things might be different now. But, they aren't, Peeta loves me, and I love him. Gale, I can't say that I don't love you, because I know now that I do, but I love Peeta more. Me and you together we are like putting fire and fire together, all you are going to get is a bigger fire…

I don't want you to be like this, having to force yourself to carry on. Because we are apart and forcing yourself to cling to the memories of what we had and dreams of what we could have had. I want you to live your life, Gale. And, you don't need me to do that. Because you are handsome and you are smart. But, mostly, you deserve better than me…

I miss us and I miss you, and one day maybe, I'll be able to forgive you. Because no matter what, I know that I can't forget you, so I am gonna try.

It might be best if I just say goodbye right here and just end it… but I don't know if that would be the right thing to do. So, I am not going to, because I guess I really don't want to say it, either. You never have to say goodbye to me, but I don't think it changes anything. I wish we could just be friends again, but it's too hard for me right now.

-Katniss

**~theeShadyLady~**


	3. Memories

**A/N- Hello, this would be theeShadyLady again, continuing this series of letters. This letter is from Gale to Katniss, about a week or two after he received her letter. Please R/R! :D Now, back to my story!**

**_((DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Hunger Games, and I'm pretty sure I never will.))_**

**Ch. 3: **_"Memories_"

Dear Catnip,

To put things simply, I am mad, because I love you. I love you more than you will ever know. I am pretty sure I have always loved you, but it just took that day in the hob with Darius for me to realize it… When you were at first Games and you teamed up with Peeta, it made me so angry and every time you kissed him… I couldn't stand to watch, I wanted to shut the TV off and never turn it back on. But at the same time, I couldn't because I had to make sure nothing bad happened to you.

If only I had stepped in for… him at the Reapings, everything would be a lot less complicated. _I_ could have protected you, and we could have won so easily… we could have just sat in a tree shooting arrows and we could have won, together. Except, I know if I had done that, you would never have forgiven me. Because in doing this, I would have left your our families, alone to fend for themselves.

This is tearing me apart; I can't stop thinking about you… Everything reminds me of you, I can't even go hunting anymore because there are too many memories… I can't come back to District 12, because that's where you are… Every girl I see just reminds me of you… And, every time the television comes on, there you are on the screen…

I hate this, Catnip, I miss you…

And, I don't think there is anything wrong with a little fire. Fire is a thing of wonder. It can destroy, but it also can create life that was better than the life before it.

I keep thinking of the day I met you in the woods and thought that your name was Catnip… I couldn't believe somebody would actually name their child that, but then you corrected me with your real name. And, when that one lynx wouldn't stop following you around, I thought that could actually be a fitting name for you. And ever since then I just thought that you would always be my Catnip.

We have so much history. I just can't figure out why you chose him over me… We knew everything about each other, what did he even know about you? That you could sing? That you were poor? He had never even spoken one word to you before the Games. I just don't understand…

We helped each other out after we both lost are fathers in the accident… We saved each other, we needed each other… and what I don't see, is when did you start needing him more than you need me?

Sometimes I think of the morning of the Reapings, how it was so easy for us just to talk and be with each other… Now, it's almost like we were never even friends… It's almost as if we don't even know each other anymore. Like on the morning of the 74th Reaping, when we talked about running away, but we couldn't because we had all of our "kids?" I still wonder what would have happened if we would have left.

Thank you for not saying goodbye to me, it doesn't really help, but it still means a lot. And even though the whole thing about pretending it's not over and pretending that we will always be friends isn't really working, I'm still not going to give up hope… because I guess the only thing we really have in this world is hope, and once you give that up, what do you have left?

So, I will never say goodbye to you.

And Catnip, I still love you.

-Gale

**~theeShadyLady~**


	4. Change

**_A/N- Hi! Well, this again is theeShadyLady. If you could please R/R that would be awesome. Ok, Continuing on… This is Katniss's reply to Gale's second letter, about a month after she received it._**

**_((DISCLAIMER: I still do not own the Hunger Games, but I can dream rite?! :P))_**

**Ch. 4: **_"Change_"

Did you know, at first, I didn't even know he actually loved me? During the whole 74th Games, I thought it was all fake. After he admitted that he loved me during the interviews, on the way back to our rooms he told me it was a lie. Haymitch even told me it wasn't real, he said to just play along with it. But on the train ride home, he found out I was acting, and I found out he wasn't.

And when I started thinking back, I realized some of the things that I did while I was in the arena with him, might not have been all an act. Then when the 75th Games came around and we were sent back, I started to fall in love with him, for real this time.

And I'm so glad you didn't volunteer, I don't ever want you to have to go through that. It changes you, I don't want you to ever change, Gale.

Also if we had left, nobody would have been there for Prim when she was drawn for the Games. She would have died alone in that arena… Well, I guess she— never mind. I know that's not what you meant when you said you wondered what might have happened, and I really don't know what would have happened if we had left, but it does matter because that's in the past, and we can't ever go back.

I think it's best, if I just say goodbye right here and end this, because all we are doing is hurting each other and neither of us wants to do that. I wish it didn't have to come to this, I wish something could change the way we both feel, but that's like wishing for the sun to stop shining… or trying to force the grass to stop growing, because none of these things are ever going to happen. So, I am sorry, but…

Goodbye, Gale Hawthorne.

-Katniss

**~theeShadyLady~**

_**(A/N- This is NOT the last chapter.)**_


	5. The Light

**_A/N- theeShadyLady back again. Did you miss me? Haha! Ok, so this chapter is not a letter, it takes place on the two year anniversary of the Districts beating the Capitol in the war. ((DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Hunger Games.))_**

**Ch. 5: **_"The Light_"

"Katniss, come on! We're going to miss the train!" I hear Peeta yell to me from the front yard. I laugh as I run down the stairs to meet him. "We are the only ones here getting on the train, they can't leave without us." He smiles and grabs my hand and we make our way to the Justice Building. Haymitch is already there, with Effie who is tapping her foot impatiently.

"You're late," she says in her usual high-pitched tone, as we all board the train.

District 12 is the first stop for the train, next stop District 11, and so on until District 1. All of the main people involved in the planning and strategizing of the war are being picked up and brought to District 13, for the 2nd anniversary of defeating the Capitol.

The moment we get on the train, Haymitch all but runs for the bar section of our car. As the train starts to leave the station, Peeta paces around the car. He has hated trains ever since we got back from our first games. I, however, am fine with trains. But since Peeta is clearly distracted, I just sit and stare out the window while time seems to fly bye. After what seems like only minutes, we are already at District 6. And when we get to District 5, finally Peeta comes over and sits on the floor in front of the chair I've been sitting on. I reach down and take his hand in my own; we stay like this until the train arrives at District 13.

As soon as the train stops our car door opens and Haymitch, Peeta, and I walk out. The only people that are around are the people exiting the train, but none of the District 13 citizens are within sight. Peeta spots Johanna and goes over to see her. It's been an entire year since we've seen most of the people here.

Peeta is busy talking to Johanna, catching up with the things going on in other districts, and that's when I see him. He looks even better than before, if that's possible… But, just as I see him, he also sees me. Even from here, I can see his eyes grow cold and his jaw tighten up. He looks at me with a thousand-yard stare and it's as if he is looking straight through me.

The people around him notice this change and look to see what he is upset about. I guess they don't notice me, because after a while they turn back around and start talking again. I look away to try and ignore him, but it doesn't work. He is still staring and I can feel his eyes piercing through me. Giving up, I begin to make my way towards him, clumsily bumping into people as I walk. I vaguely hear Peeta ask, "Katniss, where are you going?" but I don't reply. I just keep my eyes locked on Gale.

I stop when I am about five feet from him, so I can look at him and take everything in. Right away I realize that my memory has failed me; he is more perfect than I remembered. It's been two years since I last saw him, because he wasn't at the 1st anniversary celebration. I heard that he was on some "top-secret" war council mission or something, but I am not really sure.

I try and memorize every detail I can about him. I memorize his slightly increased height, his muscles, and his olive colored skin that still matches mine. And, I memorize his dark hair that is a little overgrown and his stormy gray eyes that refuse to see me. As I do this, memories of us come flooding back to me. I have to fight hard to keep a few specific ones that I've been keeping locked away in the back of my mind. I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts, they hurt too much.

I bite my lip; something is missing in this picture... I think hard. I study his face. And suddenly I remember. The light is gone. His face used to be bright…the brightness of his smile and his eyes, which were the only things that my memory has not failed to kept alive, are now gone. These two things, I have lost them, and I am afraid I will never see them again. I taste blood in my mouth; I am biting my lip a little too hard, but I don't care.

Finally, I can't stand it, and rush forward and throw my arms around him. He doesn't even flinch. I put my head against his chest and start to silently cry. He must have put up a wall in his heart to protect himself from me, because he still doesn't react.

My crying continues, because I am hurt. I am hurt because he has to protect himself from me; I was supposed to be his friend. I was supposed to be the one helping him, not the one hurting him. Eventually, my tears begin to slow, and I manage to get out one word…

Just a sad, one-worded whisper, "Gale…"

With this one word, he breaks and for a single moment his guard falls. I feel him relax a little bit and exhale. He pulls away from me, wipes a tear off of my cheek, and walks away without saying anything.

Every cell in my body screams at me to follow him, but I can't. I am frozen. I hear Peeta walking up behind me; for some reason all I can think about is how loud he walks compared to Gale. Peeta puts his hand on my arm, releasing me from my spell.

"Are you okay, Katniss?" he asks.

"Yeah," I choke out. _I am not okay._ I have to talk to Gale. Peeta sees Gale walking away and looks back at me. "Go talk to him,"_ sometimes I swear that boy can read my mind. _Haymitch stumbles over to us. He reeks of alcohol and is mumbling about Effie bothering him. Peeta leads him away from me as he continues to grumble and yell at the air. I watch them for a moment and then run after Gale.

I see him, heading towards the woods behind the ceremony stage. He has a bow and quiver full of arrows slung over his shoulder; I don't know where they came from. I stop running a good thirty yards behind him, and continue to follow silently. "You've lost you touch, Katniss," he yells to me with an emotionless voice. He hadn't even looked back. _At least he is acknowledging me,_ I think to myself.

We are a good distance into the woods now. "Stop following me," he warns. I continue to follow anyway. Irritated, he stops and turns to face me. I keep walking and stop when I'm close enough to touch him. He isn't tense, but he isn't relaxed, either. He almost looks… nervous—No, he looks… broken. When I realize this, I have to force myself to resist the urge to run over to him and hug him again. I bite my lip and I can already taste fresh blood trickling into my mouth. He starts to walk towards me. I hold my breath and close my eyes waiting for him to start yelling, but it doesn't come. I open my eyes to see he has an arrow aimed straight at me. _What is he doing? Is he really this mad? _My heart pounds and then stops as he releases the arrow.

I wait for the impact, but again nothing happens. He wasn't aiming at me. I turn around and see the arrow has landed right in the middle of a knothole in one of the trees. He knocks another arrow and releases again, hitting the next tree and the next tree. He keeps doing this until his quiver is empty and he is breathing heavily.

He collects his arrows and starts to walk away. Without thinking, I run up and grab his hand to stop him. He stops, but he doesn't look at me. A million thoughts and memories run through my head. I know what I'm going to do, maybe it isn't fair, maybe it's cruel, but I have to do it. It's the only way to stop him; the only way to make him listen to me. I walk around so that I'm in front of him, only inches away; I stand up on my toes and kiss him. Two, three, four, five seconds go by.

He pulls back and stares at me, his eyes willing me to say something. But I forgot what I was going say, so I just stand still, waiting for him to make the next move. He starts to leave again but only goes a few feet; he lifts his arm and pounds his fist on a nearby tree. Then leans his forehead against the tree and after a while he looks back at me. "Why'd you have to do that?" he asks, begging me for an answer, "Why are you doing this to me?" I have no answer for him. So, I just stare blankly back into his stormy gray eyes. He shakes his head and walks deeper into the woods.

So, I'm left standing alone in the middle of the woods. I can feel my heart pounding in my throat, it makes my head hurt. Backing up to lean against the tree Gale punched, I start to feel like the weight of all the world has just fallen on me and is threatening to crush me. I slide down and start to cry again.

_Why am I doing this?_ I whisper to myself._ I know I love Gale, but I love Peeta more. I decided this, I know my choice… So, why am I crying? I __**don't**__ cry. Stop it, Katniss! Stop it right now!_ I command myself, but the tears keep coming. _Katniss Everdeen, stop ri—_

"Why did you pick him?" I jump; Gale is looking down at me. I still find it eerie how silently he can move. He stares straight into my eyes, like he's trying to read the thoughts still inside my head. "Just tell me, what does he have, that I don't? Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me, Katniss?"

"No, there's _nothing_ wrong with you, Gale."

"Why then?"

"Don't make me do this. Can't we just-"

"No. I _need_ to know why, right now."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because _I_ love you. _I_ loved you first. So, just tell me, why him and not me?"

"Because he-"

"Katniss?" I hear Peeta calling for me from a ways away. It must be time to go meet the citizens of District 13. I start to walk away, but as I do I still hear Gale behind me murmur, "Don't Go."

**~theeShadyLady~**


	6. Not Anymore

**_A/N- Yes, this is me, theeShadyLady. Thanks to my loyal readers, for continuing to follow me throughout this little story of mine. This is the next chapie! YAY! Hope you like. :D_**

**_((DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Hunger Games.))_**

**Ch. 6:**_"Not Anymore_"

Peeta takes my hand as we all walk, my heart is racing, and I start to feel a little dizzy from my conversation with Gale. It feels good to have Peeta to steady me as I walk. With my free hand I try to wipe away the tear stains I feel on my face. Everything around me seems to be going in fast-forward, but I feel like I'm in slow-motion.

Peeta continues holding my hand as the ceremony begins, and the announcer starts listing off people alphabetically. "Haymitch Abernathy," the announcer calls, and Haymitch staggers up onto the stage obediently. The announcer continues to call off names, but I don't pay too much attention, until, "Gale Hawthorne." Peeta squeezes my hand reassuringly. I brace myself for seeing him again, but he doesn't come. "Gale Hawthorne? Are you out there?" The announcer repeats loudly, "Mr. Hawthorne, can you please come on to the stage?" I know where ever Gale is he can hear the announcements; he just doesn't want to come up.

The announcer moves on from Gale and continues calling people up. I slip my hand out of Peeta's and sneak away from the stage. I run back to the woods and look for Gale, but he's not there. Not sure where else to look, I head towards the stage to try and sneak back next to Peeta without being noticed. But when I pass by the train I hear something inside. So, I walk into the closest door and start searching the cars. I get to District 12's car and I see a very broken man stretched out on the couch. It's Gale, he's got a bottle of whiskey in his left hand and three more broken ones on the floor.

He sees me and says in slightly slurred words, "I am not goeen on stage with... him... You wouldn't like it if I got mad and punched him... in the face" He throws the half full bottle at the wall, and laughs.

I stare at him in disbelief, "What are you doing? You never drink."

"Actually, I do now… It helps…" he pauses and then adds, "sometimes."

"Get up!" I order him.

"Nah."

"Gale, get your ass up off that couch. This is not you. I am not going to let you be like this."

He laughs an awful laugh, "_Let_ me? You _made_ me like this!"

_Why can't he just punch me in the gut a few times? It would hurt less than what he's been doing today._ I shake my head in disagreement and attempt to pull him off of the couch. But he's too heavy and soon I give up.

"Dammit, Gale! Get up!" I scream at him as he reaches for another bottle of whiskey from a nearby table. I swing my arm at him, but miss and hit the other bottles causing them to shatter. I notice blood on the floor and when I look down at my arm I see there is a long gash in my arm with a broken piece of the bottle in it. My whole arm starts to sting as the shock from my injury passes, but I've lived through worse, much worse.

Gale sees that I'm hurt and it seems to sober him. He looks for a towel or a cloth to use bandage. He gives up and rips off a section of his shirt and hands to me as he looks at the glass in my arm. "Don't look," he directs me and I do what he says. I feel him clamp his hand on my arm, just above where the glass is. "Uhh!" I cry as I feel the glass being yanked out of my arm. He grabs one of the unbroken bottles of whiskey and pours it on my wound as another cry escapes from my mouth. Without looking, I shakily hand him the piece of his shirt and he wraps it around my arm. "You're probably going to need stitches for that."

"I'll have my mother look at it." We continue to stand not facing each other, but I can tell he is waiting. Waiting for me to tell him what he wants to hear. "I'm sorry," I say, "for... for everything."

"Just tell me."

I sigh, I can't avoid it forever. "I need him, Gale."

"And you don't need me?" he asks me with a pain-filled voice.

"Not anymore."

He looks away from me, "What changed? How come you stopped needing me?"

"He went through the same things I did, Gale. He suffered the same way I did."

"I did, too!" he yells, his eyes are filled with rage as he turns his head to face me. "I lost my father the same day you did! I watched my family starve, just like you! I took care of an entire family, WITH you!"

"It's not the same thing!"

"How is it any different?! I knew I should have volunteered the second, he was chosen! I could have been there for you! It could have been so easy for us. But I knew I couldn't, because I knew you would never forgive me if left our kids alone." I flinch as he says _our kids_ and I am pulled back into the memory that I have tried to keep locked away.

_Gale is sitting beside me on a rock; it's the morning of the 74__th__ Reaping. "We could do it you know," Gale says quietly. "What?" I ask. "Leave the district. Run off. Live in the woods. You and I, we could make it," says Gale. I don't respond. "If we didn't have so many kids," he adds quickly._

Again I shake my head violently to make the memory go away, because I don't want to start thinking about all the "what ifs?"

"I knew the moment he said that he loved you, I had lost. But, I was in love with you first... it just took me a little longer to realize it. And by the time, I got another chance to tell you it was too late for me."

"_Peeta_ loved me first! He's loved me since the first day of school, when we were five! You didn't love me until you thought it was possible that you could lose me!"

"Well, Bread Boy didn't love enough to even talk to you. The first time he talked to you was after you were drawn for the Games! All he did was stare at you! At least I talked to you, even before I realized that I loved you! I knew everything about you, Katniss!"

"You never-"

"I was going to tell you how I felt when I was saying goodbye to you after the 74th Reaping. If only I had two more seconds… everything would be different... the whole country would be different. Who knew three words could actually change the world?"

"Gale, I-" I reach up to touch his face, but he pulls away.

"I have to go." And all too soon Gale leaves me.

When I get back to the stage, I see that I have missed my call and Peeta is standing on the stage without me. Instead of trying to sneak up next to him, I search for my mother in the crowd. "Mom?" I touch her arm and she turns around. Her eyes widen when she sees my arm, the blood is already coming through the shirt making it look even worse.

"Come on." She says heading behind the stage. I follow as she leads me underneath the stage and into one of the rooms, "Sit." I do as she says. She pulls out a needle from a desk that's nearby and some thread from a one of the drawers in a nearby desk. I look away as she stitches my wound together. When she is finished I nod to thank her and she does the same. Then I walk away without a saying a word to her.

I walk out from under the stage and see that everyone has left except Peeta, who is sitting on the edge of the stage. "Hey," he says as I hop up on the stage to sit next to him.

"Hey."

"Where'd you go?"

I don't reply.

"Gale?" he asks quietly. I sigh, feeling somewhat guilty. I know that even though Peeta doesn't say it, he can't stand all the time I've spent with Gale today.

"Sorry," I whisper.

"For what?"

_Oh, maybe he doesn't care about me talking to Gale._ I sneak a glance at him out of the corner of my eye. _Nope, he cares. A lot._ He's trying to hide his jealousy, but I know better, I can read him like an open book. "Let's go, everyone's down below." He slides off the stage and offers me a hand to help me down. We walk towards the entrance doors of "the underground." I try to take his hand as we walk, but instead of taking it, he runs one of his hands through his hair and then shoves both hands into his pockets.

We enter a worn out looking building and then walk to the farthest wall. Peeta takes down a picture frame from the wall to reveal a keypad. He quickly types in the eight number sequence and there is a sound of metal sliding over metal. By the time I notice that a hidden door has opened on the left wall of the room, Peeta has already walked through the door and is going down the tunnel that lies on the other side. I run to catch up with him, when I do I see a crowd of people in the room at the end of the tunnel. We push past them and go over to stand by Annie and Johanna.

After about an hour, we are all instructed to take a seat in the next room for dinner. Right away, I notice that Gale isn't at any of the tables. After we are all served, about thirty District citizens walk to the front of the room to read speeches and give toasts. Most of the toasts are dedicated to me and Peeta, but a couple are for Johanna and one is an angry capital citizen who somehow snuck in. As he is dragged away by guards, he is still screaming about how I ruined everything.

The man's words hurt me, even though I know they shouldn't. _He is a stupid man, who just wants to upset me_. And it works. Suddenly, I can't breathe and I need to get out of the room. I stand up and slip into the closest hallway. Once I'm in the hall I see a slightly open door at the very end of it. When I walk in Gale is sitting on an ugly blue chair in the corner of the room. He smiles, "I knew you'd find me."

**~theeShadyLady~**


	7. Nightmares

**_A/N- This is theeShadylady updating I.W.N.S.G (which is this story.) Who's ready for Chapter 7? I am too! And I know it's been forever since I last updated, I apologize. So without farther delay here it is._**

**_((DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Hunger Games.))_**

**Ch. 7:**_"Nightmares_"

I wake up in the morning and see Gale lying next to me on the couch. Guilt rushes through me. _What happened to Peeta? Doesn't he wonder where I am?_ I debate on whether or not to wake Gale up, but decide against it. As I lace up my shoes, I hear Gale roll over. I check to make sure he's still sleeping and then tiptoe to the door. Before I leave I look back at Gale again. He smiles in his sleep, it's a smile I haven't seen in over four years, seeing it makes me realize how much I have really missed Gale. I smile a guilty smile and walk out the door.

It's still early, so I assume Peeta is sleeping in our train car. I jog most of the way there, one thought over takes my mind,_ I am a cheater._ Even the sounds of my steps accuse me of what I am. Left foot: _"Chea."_ Right foot: _"ter." "Chea-ter. Chea-ter_. Cheater." I stop when I notice car twelve's lights are all on, and everything falls silent. _He's awake._ I creep up to the door and as a touch the handle, the door slides open. Peeta looks down at me disappointed and puffy face. _He's been crying. _"I'm glad your back," but there is something in his eyes that lets me know, that he knows. I look down feeling ashamed.

He backs up to let me inside. I see a suitcase next to the door and I panic. "So, you're just going to leave? After everything we've been through?"

"Well, what else can I do? Tell me what I should do, because I don't know!"

"We could act like it never happened... Nothing's changed when it comes to the way I feel about you. I love you, Peeta."

He leans on the counter pressing his fingers to his temples and squeezing his eyes shut. "Peeta, I—"

"Shut up!" he snaps, "Just let me think!" Eventually, he lets out a long sigh. "Fine. Let's do this..." And the quietly adds, "Like it never happened."

He's just forgiven me for the unforgiveable, yet another thing to add to the list of things that make him much too good for me. "You should get some sleep," he says taking my hand. I go to the bedroom and he goes to the couch.

I try to fight it, but inevitably sleep overtakes me. And it's no more pleasant than it's ever been. Within an hour I wake up screaming and like I dreaded he would Peeta rushes in on instinct and crawls in next to me. He puts one arm behind my head and strokes my hair soothingly. The same way he did when I had my first nightmares, but it's not the same. I sigh knowing no matter what we say, nothing will ever be the same.

It's nearly noon when I wake up next. He still has his arm around me and now his head is resting on mine. "Peeta," I whisper nudging him with my shoulder. He yawns and rolls away. "Let's go," I say as I look for a new set of clothes. I find a clean pair of white pants and a greenish-blue striped top. I throw a black pair of pants and a white shirt at Peeta. He kicks away the covers and starts to pull off his pants to change. I look away feeling strangely embarrassed.

"Ready?" he asks heading towards me.

"Yeah," I say taking his hand after he offers it to me. It feels strange when he intertwines his fingers with mine, but I force myself to smile and walk outside with him. We already slept through all of today's events and soon we'll have to get back on the train and go back home.

An hour later, Effie, Haymitch, Peeta, and I are getting ready to board the train. We say goodbye to Johanna, Annie, and some of our other friends. Gale comes over, but Peeta pulls me away by my hand possessively when Gale starts to get too close. But, Gale doesn't take the hint. Even though there are a couple people still in between us, he talks over them. "Hey."

"Hi," I reply, holding back a smile. We just look back at each other, saying nothing else. Peeta lets out an agitated huff to reestablish his annoyance. I walk away thinking, _he didn't even say goodbye_.

"Catnip."

"Yeah?" I stop again. _Will he say it?_

"See you soon." _I knew he wouldn't say it._ Peeta's grip tightens on mine and his nails dig in as we walk away.

"Peeta, you're hurting me."

"Am I?" he says, but he doesn't loosen his hold on me.

* * *

The train ride takes around six hours and the entire ride is silent, except for the sound of Haymitch filling up his glass and shuffling his bottles of alcohol. I sit on the ground, pressed against the wall watching Peeta as he paces nervously around the car, the same way he always does.

I step off the train at District 12, glad to finally be back home.

* * *

The tiles feel cold on bare arms and face as I lie on the floor. My throat burns and my stomach feels like someone is squeezing it, I feel a lump in my throat and I know what's coming. I reach up and hoist myself up so that I'm facing the toilet bowl. This is the third—or maybe the fourth—time I've thrown up this morning.

_Is it possible?_ "Peeta?" I call to him through the door.

"Can you bring me the phone?"

"Yeah, hold on" ... "Where is it?"

"In the kitchen... on the counter."

"Here," he says as he cracks open the door and slides the phone across the floor to me. I dial the number I memorized so long ago.

"Hello?"

"Mom, it's me." I say shakily. "Can you come over here?"

"Yeah, is there something wrong?" she asks, her voice full of concern.

"I don't know."

Ten minutes later, my mom is helping me up onto the bathroom counter. She does a few tests, including checking my heart rate and blood pressure. Then she has me pee in a little plastic container. She brings it to my kitchen table and then pours a clear chemical that looks like water into the container. All the liquid inside the dish turns blue. She gives me a look of confirmation and I know my worst fear has come true. _I'm Pregnant._

Peeta comes in to check on me as my mom packs up her equipment. "Congratulations!" my mother says to him.

"For what?"

"Katniss is pregnant!" she exclaims.

"That's not possible..." Peeta starts, but in a moment of realization the color drains from his face.

My mother looks confused and opens her mouth to argue. "It's not Peeta's, mom."

"What?"

"It's Gale's."

**~theeShadyLady~**

**((A/N- I know it's short, but I thought this was a good place to end the chapter.))**


	8. She's Not A Rose

**_A/N- Hey, well here is chapter 8 it's more of a transition chapter so I don't think it's as much of a "Did that really just happen?!" chapter, but it's important and I personally think it's pretty legit. Also I again apologize for time gap between posts. So please read it, then review it and tell me what you think._**

**_((DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Hunger Games.))_**

**Ch. 8: **_"She's Not A Rose_"

My mother drops the container of my blue colored urine and cries, "How did this happen!?" But I don't feel that it's necessary to answer her question, instead I turn my attention to Peeta. He says nothing to me, but I can see the anger rising rapidly inside him.

For a moment I selfishly fear that Peeta will no longer show me the forgiveness he granted me last month... I don't want him to leave me. But then I realize how unfair I'm being, if he wants to leave he can. He deserves to have someone who will love him, and him only. Not some stupid girl who still doesn't know who she wants.

My mother finally senses the tension between the two of us and whispers goodbye as she heads towards the door.

"Peeta, I'm so sorry."

"Save it! I don't care."

I'm hurt, but not as hurt as he's feeling. "I can..." I say, just reaching for something, anything, to show my regret, "I can get rid of it."

He looks at me with spiteful eyes, "Get rid of it? Get rid of _it_? No. This is your mistake. You have to face the consequences!" And then he adds, "And if I have to face that punishment as well, so be it."

He's going to stay! I want to hug him, a real hug, which is something I haven't done in over a month. But it would be wrong, so I don't.

It's been eight months since the day I found out; eight month since the day Peeta stayed. And now I'm lying uncomfortably in a hospital bed in District 3 after six excruciating hours that consisted of pain, screaming, heavy breathing, and Peeta nearly fainting. Personally, I would have been just fine being in 12 with my mother, since she has helped deliver over a dozen babies and has only lost one mother, but Peeta insisted we go to the best hospital available. Finally the doctor walks in holding a little pink blanket. He hands the bundle to me and inside is my newborn daughter; all seven pounds and two ounces of her.

She has a small tuft of dark wispy hair on her head, olive colored skin, and bright grey eyes. She is an exact replica of me; nothing about her has the slightest hint of Peeta. Peeta wraps an arm around me, pretending not to notice.

There is a knock on our room door that is followed by my mother entering. "Oh! She's beautiful, Katniss!"

"Thanks, mom," I say only half listening; I can't seem to pull my attention away from this little baby that's now sleeping in my arms. Before she can say anything else, there's another knock and this one wakes my baby up. She cries loudly as the witch, the baker, and Peeta's three brothers squeeze into our tiny hospital room.

"Whoa," says Cole, who I believe is the oldest of Peeta's brothers–but I'm not sure, "she looks just like you."

"Yeah," agrees Ashton, the youngest of Peeta's brothers, "I think Katniss has some explaining to do," he adds jokingly. Peeta gives a half laugh for a response. We haven't told them. They would hate me for what I did. And they'd hate Peeta for staying; for forgiving me; for not hating me.

My mother shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other and then checks her watch. "Oh, it's getting late. I should probably be heading back home. Sorry, you two, but I've got a patient coming in early tomorrow morning." She walks to my bed and tries to kiss my forehead, but I pull away. She flashes a red faced, embarrassed smile to the rest of the Mellark family and exits the room without saying anything else.

The witch suddenly thrusts her arms towards me, "Come to Grandma, little girl." The strange way she says it almost gives me chills. I can't stand her. And as I reluctantly hand over my child to her, I think of that day in the rain; the day Peeta became the Boy with the Bread; the day the witch hit him. She will never do that to my daughter. "What are you going to name her?" my thoughts are interrupted by the words of the witch.

"Oh, umm, I don't know." I stutter, "Peeta?" He shrugs.

"Well, she has to have a name. Oh! What about Rose? Hmm? You look like a little Rose don't you?" She pauses to look at me, "You know after that darling little sister you had, until she was blown up."

"No," I say flatly, fighting back the powerful urge to slap her.

"She looks like an Ivy," Peeta's father quietly voices. He'd been so quiet that I'd nearly forgotten he was here.

I smile at him, "I like it." Peeta nods in agreement. "Then it's settled, her name will be Ivy Mellark."

Soon the nurse comes in to fill in the name blank for Ivy's birth certificate and asks us to sign it. I fill in the mother line, but when I hand Peeta the certificate to sign, he hesitates. I eye him and he takes the hint. He hands the form back to the nurse and I see he did fill out the father line.

"Well," Peeta says, "I think it's time to go home."

"Yeah," agrees Cole, "I'm sick of this damn hospital."

Peeta's family gathers their things and leaves the room so that I can change out of my hospital gown. When I'm finished we all walk out to the train boarding station to wait. Peeta helps me up on to the train once it arrives. I sit on the couch cradling Ivy and watching Peeta pace in his usual way. "Peeta come sit with us," I say as sweetly as I can handle. He pauses a moment to think, then comes to sit next us. "Hey, do you want to say hi to daddy?" I ask Ivy.

"Oh, I didn't know Gale was coming to visit," he says bitterly.

"Peeta!? How can you say that?"

"It's not like she understands me." He says this so coldly, it hurts.

"Are you always going to be like this? Because if you are—"

"No Katniss, I'm not. But I just want to be angry for a while, okay? Don't you think I deserve at least that?"

"Peeta."

"Don't 'Peeta' me, Katniss. I'll be fine, just give me some time."

Peeta slides off the couch and goes back to his pacing. When we get home Peeta says that he has a surprise for me, and Ivy. He leads up the stairs to the nursery and when I walk in I see that he had painted the entire room with different scenes. The wall to the left of the door is painted to look like the inside of the bakery; it even has the details of the glass table and see-through containers where the cakes are displayed. I walk into the room to take the whole thing in. The wall opposite the door has an ocean beach with seashells and little star fish. The wall next to that has a portrait of me and Peeta walking along one of the District 12 roads.

"Peeta it's beautiful," but my voice drops when I turn to hug him, because I see the wall where the door is. It's the woods; my woods. It's as if I had climbed under that low spot under the electric fence and I'm looking right at the woods I used to hunt in so many years ago. _How could he do this?_ I look at Peeta and he has a weird, almost wicked looking, smile.

"I knew you'd like it," he says still wearing that disturbing smile. He reaches out to hug me, so reluctantly I go to him. As he holds me in his arms I study the wall with my woods. I see he has painted it with incredible detail; it even has the log where Gale and I used to hide are bow and arrows. Also, in a few of the trees I see small birds resting on the branches and in the very background I see a fawn hiding behind a tree. "Well, it's getting late," he says, releasing me. "We should sleep in shifts, you can sleep first, I'll watch over Ivy."

"Peeta, you look so tired. I'll take the first shift, you rest."

He starts walking to our room, but halfway there he turns around and comes back, kisses my forehead, and then leaves again. I rock Ivy in the wooden rocker that Peeta bought for me, until she falls asleep. I continue rocking for a few minutes to make sure. Then I tiptoe over to her crib and lay her inside. I watch her sleep as I do I start thinking about how she's not a rose. Prim was a rose. I continue studying her and it makes me think of Gale, because she looks so much like him. I feel like I should tell him he's a father, _but what if he comes back to 12? I couldn't handle that. But it wouldn't be fair not to tell him..._

After some debate, I decide telling him would be best.

I quietly go downstairs to get some paper, an envelope, a pen, and our camera from the office desk. I take a picture of Ivy in her sleep and a blank photo prints out the bottom of the camera. As it develops, I start to write on the paper...

_Gale,_

_ This is Ivy. She's my daughter. She is also your daughter. I thought you should know._

_Please, don't try to come see her._

_-Katniss_

I put the letter in the envelope, along with the picture. Then I seal the envelope and address it:

_Gale Hawthorne_

_District 2_

I re-check on Ivy and then check to make sure Peeta is asleep. The stairs creak loudly as I sneak downstairs again and go out the door to put the letter in our mail box. When I get back upstairs, I start feeling tired. So I go wake up Peeta for his shift. Once he's gone I stretch out on the bed and fade into sleep.

**~theeShadyLady~**


	9. Need

**_A/N- Hello! This as always, is theeShadyLady updating this story called, "I.W.N.S.G." This is the ninth installment (AKA Chapter 9) and I hope you all enjoy reading it! J_**

**_((DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Hunger Games.))_**

**Ch. 9:**_"Need_"

Three months pass and Gale doesn't show up. I know I told him not to, but I'm still not sure I'm okay with the fact that he really didn't come to visit me.

Peeta, Ivy, and I board the train that is headed for District 13, for the 3rd anniversary of defeating the Capitol. Haymitch and Effie supposedly on the train already, but none of us haven't seen Effie. Haymitch greets me with a loud "Hello, sweetheart and... little sweetheart."

"Do you want to hold her, Haymitch?" I ask sitting down next to him at the table. A nervous expression takes over his face, but I still lean over and place Ivy carefully in his arms. As he holds her, the expression in his eyes seems to soften and the widest smile I have ever seen on him appears on his face. Peeta sits at the far end of the table away from us, sipping some type of hot liquid. He doesn't pace; he doesn't move, except to drink from his cup. It makes me nervous; he's too calm.

I let Haymitch hold Ivy the entire trip while I wander around the train looking for something to do. I find a video that says "2nd Anniversary: Unedited", so I put it in the TV to watch.

The very first scene is the train pulling up to District 13 and everyone getting off of it. I see Peeta and myself talking to Johanna, and then me walking away ignoring him as he chases after me. I see that the moment I stop in front of Gale, Peeta stops as well; in his eyes, I can see his heart breaking. Next, I see Gale walking away and Peeta telling me to go talk to him. But then, I see something that I didn't when I was there; Peeta follows us and so do the cameras. _Peeta heard everything Gale and I said in the woods._

I fast forward to the ceremony, not wanting to relive those few minutes.

The cameras show me, Peeta, and the others waiting behind the stage to be called up. Soon after I leave to look for Gale; Peeta and I are called onto stage. But since I'm not there, only Peeta goes up and he announces that I'm not feeling well. This was a mistake, because the moment after he says it the cameras cut to me fighting with Gale on the train. After the ceremony ends everyone starts heading for the underground entrance, but Peeta stays behind waiting for me and looking miserable.

After a while, he and I join the rest of the citizens and everyone else underground and eventually the speeches start. After the crazy capitol guy is dragged away, I see me sneaking out and going down a dark hallway, but thankfully the cameras didn't follow any farther than that. Instead they go back to the rest of the speeches, _which weren't very interesting_. The next scene was shot in the night and is of someone running in the dark towards the train, when an invisible announcer on the video reveals that it's me, I shut the TV off and go back to sitting by Haymitch.

"Why'd you turn it off, Katniss?" asks Peeta, "It was just getting good."

"Well, we're almost to 13 aren't we?"

Just as we pull up to the offload spot in 13, Effie appears out of nowhere.

"Hello!" she says in her shrill voice that still rings of the capital.

"Hello, Effie," I say back. Haymitch grunts.

I take Ivy back from Haymitch and the five of us step off the train into the crowd of people. After a moment of searching we find Johanna, who is standing with a group of people that I don't know, and we make our way to her. Haymitch and Effie, however, apparently have better things to do because they wander away in different directions. So far today seems to be happening the same that it did last year, _but this time I won't talk to Gale; this time I'll behave._

Peeta takes my hand and we walk together to the ceremony stage, talking about nothing of any importance. We are smiling and pretending to be madly in love, the same way we did after the 74th Games. As I hold her, Ivy makes quiet baby noises in her sleep. While we wait behind the stage I lean my head on Peeta's shoulder and he brushes my hair with his finger the way he used to when I couldn't sleep. We have become so good at pretending that I can almost make myself believe that all this isn't fake.

When Gale is called onto stage, I don't even look. I just wait patiently for my own name to be called. When the announcer finally calls us up, Peeta helps me up the stairs, even though I told him it wouldn't be necessary.

"Who is this?" asks the announcer.

"This is Ivy—"

"Hey! Mockingjay! Remember me?" shouts someone from the crowd. I look around searching for who said it, but I can't figure out who it was.

"Katniss! Look out!" Gale cries as he throws himself in front of me. He lands with a muffled thud.

"Gale?" I look down and see that he has a knife lodged in his stomach. I quickly hand Ivy to Peeta and then drop down to my knees next to my childhood friend, "Gale? Are you okay?"

"Yeah Catnip, I'm great." He grins up at me. "She looks just like you."

Blood is steadily flowing out of him and making a pool where he is lying, despite my attempt to slow it by pressing my hands on his stomach. "Katniss, stop. It's not going to help." He leans forward and I put one of my hands behind his head to support him.

"No, don't say that. You're going to be fine." I put my face close to his, "You have to be." I realize I am shaking as I talk, somehow I manage to keep my voice steady. I push my hand down even harder on his wound, pull myself as close as I can to him, and rest my forehead on his. "Why didn't you just let it hit me?" I whisper after a moment.

"Ivy needs you. And Peeta needs you. There's no one that needs me."

"That's not true. I need you, Gale. I love you."

"I know, Catnip," he says, slowly lifting his hand and gently grabbing my wrist. "I love you, too."

I feel his grip tighten on my wrist.

"Goodbye, Catnip."

"No, don't say that! We don't say that! Remember? Gale? Gale!" I scream at him, but it's too late. He's gone. "You can't leave me!" I cry, refusing to believe the truth lying in my own arms. _He can't be gone, how could he leave me?!_ I feel someone grabbing my arms; it's Haymitch pulling me away. "Come on, Sweetheart, time to go." I want to fight him, but I can't I don't have the energy. I don't have any fight left in me.

But when we reach the far end of the stage, I get my fight back. I jerk away from Haymitch, "Who did it?!" I scream. "Who killed him?"

"I did," a man says stepping forward from the crowd. Without thinking I sprint forward grab the knife that's still sticking in Gale and then fling it at the man. The knife hits him directly in the forehead and kills him instantly. By the time he hits the ground the people around him are just realizing what happened. I jump off the stage to see who he is; standing over him I recognize him but I don't know from where.

After a couple more moments I finally figure it out. He's from the 2nd Anniversary; the angry one from the Capital; the one who screamed at me... But now he's just a dead man that killed my best friend. I yank the knife out of his forehead and then clean his blood off of it by wiping it across his face, then for good measure I kick the ground spraying dirt in his face.

I turn back towards the stage, pull myself up on to it, grab Peeta's hand and start heading for the train. "I want to go home."

**~theeShadyLady~**


	10. Star-Crossed Lovers of District12(& Ep)

**_A/N- Hey, it's theeShadyLady! Guess what?! Yup, that's correct; this is the very last chapter of I.W.N.S.G. I know :( So read it up and then write down your thoughts of this chapter/story in a review. Thanks!_**

**_((DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Hunger Games.))_**

**Ch. 10:**_"_Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12_& Epilogue_"

_"A man named Gale Hawthorne was murdered during the 3__rd__ Anniversary of the defeat of the capital celebration last night. He had noticed that Katniss "the Mockingjay" Mellark was in danger, so he jumped in front of her and then was hit by a knife in his stomach. The name of his killer has not yet been released. However, some people have been heard saying that it was an angered citizen from the former Capital that murdered him. There is no word on what Mrs. Mellark has to say about any of this._

_"Gale Hawthorne was preceded in death by: his father, Emerson Hawthorne, who was killed in a mining explosion. And he is survived by: his mother, Hazel Hawthorne, his younger brothers: Vick and Rory Hawthorne, and his younger sister, Posy Hawthorne. His funeral will be an open casket ceremony and will be held inside the District 12 Justice Building tomorrow night."_

said the announcer on the television.

There were probably pictures of Gale on the screen, but I didn't feel like getting up to look. Ever since we arrived home from the anniversary, I have remained in mine and Peeta's room with the door locked. Usually I cry, but sometimes I just sit in the corner without moving trying to avoid thinking about Gale. This is what I was in the middle of doing when the announcement came on; no use in trying to fight it now. So I let myself think about him

I think of the time he and I first saw each other, at the ceremony for both our fathers' death; I think of the time he and I hide inside a cave in the woods to keep out of the rain while we were hunting; I think of the day with Darius in the hob; I think of the day of the Reaping, when he almost told me he loved me; I think of the time he was beaten right in front of me, and how I was so afraid of losing him. And lastly I think of the time my best friend; the boy I hunted with; the boy who called me Catnip; died in my arms.

As Peeta and I enter the Justice Building, I see Hazel just in front of me. I notice she's wearing the same black dress that she wore to the ceremony after the mining explosion that killed her husband. She bumps into me and when she turns to apologize, she sees that it's me.

"Hi, Mrs. Hawthorne," I say.

"You know you can call me Hazel, Katniss," she smiles. "Where's Ivy?" I wonder if she knows that her son was a father.

"She's with my mother. She didn't think a baby had any business being at a funeral."

"Yes, I suppose she's right, but how come she didn't come?"

"She didn't think she could handle it."

Suddenly it's as if Hazel can't take it anymore and she throws her arms around me pulling me into a warm embrace. If any other person were even try to hold me like this I'd push them away, but Hazel at times was more of a mother to me than my real one was, so I let her hug me. "He loved you so much," she whispers so quietly that I almost don't hear her. I can feel her starting to cry.

"I know," I say back.

When she releases me, she looks like she wants to say something, but first she rubs her fingers across her face a few times trying to erase the tracks her tears have left. I look away not wanting to embarrass her.

"It should have been you!" I hear say. No, I'm wrong; it was Posy that said it.

"Posy!" Hazel scold, "How could you say that?!"

"Well, it's true!" she shouts back.

"Posy!" she grabs Posy by the arm and starts walking away, as she says, "I'm sorry, Katniss."

"I hate you! I hate you! I wish it was you!" Posy yells. By now everyone is watching us and they are whispering comments to each other, so I just don't care.

"I know it should have been me! Okay, Posy!? Do you know how many times I've replayed it, thinking about what I would have done differently?! I know that he didn't deserve to die! But he _chose_ to jump in front of me! I didn't have the chance to stop him!"

I run out of the Justice Building crying as hard as I did the day Gale died. Before I can even attempt to calm myself, I feel someone touch my hand; it's Peeta. "I don't want to talk about it," I say.

"That's fine, but you need to come back inside." I turn and roll myself into his arms. He starts running his fingers through my hair; this simple act from him reminds me of why I chose him; he was the one the one I couldn't survive without; he made me feel safe. "He was your friend. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I nod my head, but don't move from my position in his arms. Finally, he pulls away but keeps hold on my hand and then leads me back inside.

Gale's casket is in the center of the room and even though most people are gathered around it, I stay away. I want more than anything to see him one last time, but I don't know if this is how I want to remember him. There are a few chairs on the side of the room that are empty, so Peeta and I go over to sit in them. We sit in silence until I feel like I have control of my emotions.

"Peeta?" I whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you stay with me?"

"Because I love you, Katniss."

"Not anymore," I huff at his obvious lie.

"No, I still do."

"But I cheated on you." He goes silent for a while. "Peeta?"

"Katniss, do you really want to do this here?" he spits back in a whisper.

"Yes."

"Okay, fine! I stayed because I thought it was just a stupid mistake; a onetime thing! But it wasn't, you loved him."

"Then why did you stay with me?"

"I don't know, because everyone expects us to be together. We're Katniss and Peeta; the girl on fire and the boy with the bread; the star-crossed lovers of District 12; we belong together."

"You're lying, that can't be the real reason."

"It's one of them."

"What's the other one then?!"

"It's not important." I give him a look of pure frustration and he continues, "I wanted to punish you and Gale, for what you did... and myself because I must not have loved you enough... What other reason would you have for doing that to me?"

"Oh, Peeta—" I'm almost crying again.

"Just— don't. I have to go; before I say something we'll both regret." He gets up and walks out of the Justice Building and I stay seated.

Once he is gone, I feel the crushing weight of my loneliness, normally this would be the time where I'd run to Gale for comfort, but I can't. I realize I'll never feel his embrace again or see that smile I love so much ever again. I make my way towards Gale's casket. When I see him, he doesn't look like he's asleep, like people always say dead people look. He looks fake; like a statue of himself. I know this isn't how I'll remember him; I'll remember him the way he looked when I was sixteen. He was strong and proud, with an ever glowing light in his smile and in his eyes. That is how I'll remember him.

Suddenly feeling out of place, I head for the exit but before I walk through the doorway, I whisper, "See you soon, Gale." And I will; I'll see him in my dreams; in the woods; random men in the street; and in Ivy every time she smiles.

"Peeta," I say walking into our house in Victor's Village.

"Katniss," he smiles and holds his arms out towards me. I go to him and when he hugs me I realize everything's going to be okay.

**"EPILOGUE: theeShadyLady Edition"********

_They play in the Meadow. The dancing girl with the dark hair and blue eyes_;Ivy, who just turned sixteen. The same age I was the day my life changed. People say that the blue of her eyes is so blue that it's almost unnatural; but that's because they don't remember. They don't remember that she had gray when she was young; we had them colored so no one else would know our secret. The few that do remember believe that it was Peeta's idea, but really it was mine. A small gesture for him, so hopefully he wouldn't have to hear her ask why she doesn't look like him.

_The boy with the blond curls and gray eyes, struggling to keep up with her on his chubby toddler took_nearly ten_years for me to agree. But Peeta wanted him so badly_; he wanted one he could call his own. He loves Ivy just as if she was his, but I know it's still not the same. _When I first felt_him_stirring inside of me, I was consumed with a terror that felt as old as life itself._Carrying Ivywas different, I felt guilty, but not scared. It's hard to explain the difference; I wanted so bad to do this one right for Peeta. And once I had him and the doctor had placed him in my arms, I felt like everything was going to be fine.

_The questions are just the beginning. The arenas have been completely destroyed, the memorials built, there are no more Hunger Games. But they teach them at school, and the girl knows we played a role in them. _She knows about the anniversary celebration that we go to every year to remember the past; and she knows about all the friends that Peeta and I lost because of the Games. The Games, that to her are simply stories she is told about. _The boy will know _too _in a few years. _But for now he is too young, to know of the horrors of our past. These are_ my children, who don't know they play on a grave yard;_ my children who don't know they have different fathers.

_Peeta says it will be okay. We have each other. We can make them understand in a way that will make them braver. But one day I'll have to explain about my nightmares. Why they came. Why they won't ever really go away._

_I'll tell them how I survive it. I'll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I'm afraid it could be taken away. That's when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do, it's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after _so many _years._

_But there are much worse games to play._

**~theeShadyLady~**

**_A/N- Well everyone, that's it for this story... _****_I have posted_ ****_the _****_PREQUEL_****_ to I.W.N.S.G. which is titled, _****"**Her Name Was Katniss**"****_. (I'd also like to say Thank You to all my loyal readers and belated thanks to 'to be a rebel' for the 1_****_st_****_ signed review.) Hope you all enjoyed this story and will read the Prequel as well. Deuces :D_**

****P.S.- my Epilogue is taken directly from the Mockingjay Epilogue, except revised to fit my version of the story, not meant to be a copy. The italicized sections of the epilogue are quotes directly from the book, which as we all know was written by the amazing Suzanne Collins.**


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